With Mother's Day just around the corner, you should probably be thinking about gifts. But this year let's reset our expectations:
- All flowers die
- You don't understand your mom's jewelry taste
- Another scented candle could anesthetize the next house guest
So instead of those attempts for warm/fuzzy feelings, focus on...gag gifts!
We've asked Waldo to compile the 10 most ridiculous gifts you can purchase right now online. Here they are:
Kymera Magic Wand Remote Control - Walmart
This Magic Remote control wand will have you controlling your house in no time. Good news – it works with anything that has an infrared sensor:
- TVs/sound system
- Air conditioners/garage door openers
- Projectors – think PowerPoint
Boss: "Next powerpoint slide please"
Me: "Accio next slide!!"
Crochet Mermaid Blankets - Amazon
Not many people know that after starring in The Little Mermaid, Ariel retired from film and pivoted into boutique crocheting. At just $16.99, these stylish Crochet Blankets are a nautical steal! According to the manufacturer:
Perfect for Christmas or daily wear. You also could choose for your girlfriend, kids, wife, as birthdays, Christmas gift or as women gift.
It's not Xmas unless mermaids are involved. Important note: once you have the blanket on, you cannot walk!
Octopus Tapestry - Amazon
Art is such a dangerous gift to give. Especially if it isn't art. Or good.
Continuing with our nautical theme, for just $59.60 give someone you have mixed feelings about a 70" x 93" sheet with two slippery mollusks drinking wine attending a "vintage party." Be sure to suggest they hang the tapestry over their bed.
Nicolas Cage Pillows – Sequin and Rainbow Pillow Case
Nothing says a "good nights sleep" quite like having your face pressed cheek-to-cheek with Nick Cage's face.
For just $18.99 for the HD Rainbow or $8.96 for Red Sequins, you can sleep soundly knowing that your favorite washed-up actor is touching you (and if you have the sequins, you'll get some nice face marks in the morning to show for it!).
Pie Face! Game - Target
Pie to the face! This comically simple game is played like this:
- Spin the handle
- Get hit in the face with a dollop of whip cream (real pie sadly has NOTHING to do with this game.)
Caveat emptor - after purchasing, "Edith" gave it 1/5 stars saying:
"Worst game ever! I got pied EVERY time it was my turn!"
Edith - very reasonable lady, doesn't like whip cream on her face.
Shrimp Meat U Shaped Neck Pillow - Walmart
Always find yourself hankering for some fresh grilled shrimp but also trying to trim down for summer? Well lucky for you, this Shrimp Pillow ($9.99) will satiate your shrimp cravings without any of the calories. It will also comfort your neck and make you tons of friends. Ok, not that last part.
Adult Costume Duo - Left Shark and Maui
Giving clothes as gifts is always a very empowering experience - the gift recipient has to try on whatever they're given.
This review says it all:
Ok SO, I purchased this a little over a year ago and this costume has IMPACTED my LIFE! First of all, SPEEDY SHIPPING! I got my suit in 4 days! SECOND, the DAY I got it, I did juju on that beat, and I made FRIENDS! THIRD, I have FANS and they call me SharkLIT. I know what you’re thinking, $50 for a shark suit? Well, let me just tell you that it is WORTH it!
Harry Potter "Always Patronus" Heat Reveal Ceramic Coffee Mug - Amazon
Feeling hot, hot, hot! Our second magical gift of the day is the "Always Patronus" coffee cup. Sadly, the only patronus available is a stag. Good news: you don't need a magic wand from earlier to enjoy your coffee or patronus.
Ultimate Cardboard Cutout Trio
- Queen Elizabeth (Lilac Dress) - $45.03 - link
- Guy Fieri - $69.97 - link
- Danny Devito - $86.91 - link
Always wanted to know what it feels like to be an A-lister? What about a B-/C+ lister? Well with cardboard cutouts of QEII, Danny DeVito, and Guy Fieri, you can experience the thrill. All life-size (yes Danny's cutout is 4 ft 10 in), this trio will make your next party "funkalicious, off the hook, the real deal, righteous and dynamite."
If you don't invite Mr. Fieri, you can use other adjectives for your party.
Pool Candy Hot BOD Beach Bro Pool Float - Amazon
Summertime is hard: the temptations of salty fries, grilled burgers and icy popsicles and the expectations of maintaining your rock-hard 8-pack. Fear no more. Distract your friends, admirers, and lovers with this inflatable stud. With larger-than-life abs, this stud will captivate the eyes of your friends, so you can feast on some poolside backyard BBQ by yourself.